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i realized.. that you should not pay so much importance.. to being great.. not give art so much of a status..

its all just about resistance.

resistance of boredom, of life nowadays.

life as it is now.. is very horrible.. i mean i live and i see things around me.. and it is all i feel so distant from this circle.. its like people go about doing their stupid jobs.. as if its fine.. i mean an accountant, how can you seriously tell me that doing peoples taxes for money and having a hobby of ultimate frizzby can be your life.. that is inane. that and reading bestsellers and switching the tv off as soon as a nonamerican film shows up..

when i think of people living like that it makes me angry.i understand that people don’t have money to educate themselves.. but its about just seeing life and things and knowing that its wrong. if you see it then you cannot be part of it.and you have to take the responsibility to fight for your existence as you want it. i would really rather just kill myself then have a life like that..

total mediocracy . giving life meaning through having bowling parties and meeting friends. people with mediocre lifes like sports activities. and trips. sightseeing. the like taking pictures with monuments. they like to go to the hairdresser. they like postoffices.

all these things piss me off. i wish that all people would realize that a world that is money driven is wrong. and can be changed.

for me work for money is the lowest of a humans activity. people should only do the work that is needed to keep food and supplies provided. everyone should be his own designer.and people should be orgaznied in communities that would help each other do these trivial things like getting wood from the forest. 1-2 people would constantly exchange so that nobody has to get bored.. if there is 100 people in the village. then maybe 1 person would have to go get wood 2ce a year and it would be a pleasant trip. each time they go get it they should make it somehow different.

this is just an example.

i feel you can make art by living in this fucked society. just by seeing it. you can see whats wrong.and propose some changes.

like valerie solans did.. her main point was that a capitalist society is totally fucked..and that it proposes nothing for those few who realize how fucked it is.

even the art has to work super hard in order to sustain.. has to get corrupted has to total swim in the system.. just to be able to comment and change it.. people working for the smallest amount of money, just enough to keep them alive but never enough to really provide some chances.. always have to keep going for more and more.. and me. im at the beginning of my life.. my challenge is to somehow create a system for myself as well.. there seems to be little in this world worth going for.. wanting. maybe thats the effect of being in xinbeitou.. where everything is so ugly.. and where people are so ok with the lifes they have.. perhaps thats why there is no crises here.. in europe where many people live on the burden of the country..where many have realized.. and don’t want to work for little.. prefer to get 800 for not working then to work a lot for 1200.. it all collapsed. because its wrong. very very wrong.and i think at were in the time now when many people many nations realized that everything is fucked. that too many have being corrupting..it was all like a cheese.. full of wholes.. and everyone was trying to dig a small ball for themselves.. when they were on the side of the shadow.. and now it all collapsed. it is of elastic consistency.. thats why it appeared to still be in shape.. until now. what am i going to do now. what can i do? from here?

i am interested in people and their reasons and motivations in life.,

i hope to affect all people i meet to expect more from their lifes.. to not accept.

i want change.

and when i was 18 i thought that traveling a lot can be a cure.. but its not, if you stay somewhere 1 week you get a glimpse.. but  even this glimpse lets you assume.. the condition.. and then if you stay a month.. already you have to position yourself.. its odd staying longer.. people don’t understand what you are doing.. not many have the time to be somewhere.. not working. or studying.. means you’re rich. im not talking about myself now but this is what i can get from my position.

you get sucked into the swirl..

marlon brand said that acting his life.. was no more then a plumbers life.. what you do in the end you do to feed yourself and your family. but actually when i went to the shooting i saw many people were fathers and mothers.. i saw that.. and they were there for the exclusivity..for to give importance to their life. to give something beyond.

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