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make something.. out of mifitting.. like the beetelnut girls..

something out of not beeing a ritch girl,improvized life.improvized beauty. something that i cant deal with , something that really puzzels me and pisses me off and something that i cant talk about. i think that s the key.. and i think it should all be simple, and

somehow something that you cant talk about. ok, expressive.. but somehow i dont know.. its not me. its a phenomenon.e

work. i cant belive i will have to work again. what the fuck did i do in the last 3 years of my life, that im now again nothing like before.. but maybe thats exactly what i need, a slap of real life again.. life was much more fun and real before i got into this odd payed isolation from reality.

i feel somehow happy to have to go into the struggle , and work for myself again, and make my own money..

this kind of dependence, is eating me up.

im dying to make something that is really about me.i dont want to give a shit about the dream of other peoples trouble.. fuck that.

i just want to make some money get myself some kind of place, and distance and see who i am actually. i have a feeling that from everything i was ” interested ” in in the last years.. i lost touch with myself..i need to find things about myself really.i mean i thought that im self obsessed, but actually thats just a mask up.. a way to escape from myself. ‘

and everyone i have been with so far, was just comfort. another way to escape myself.

just be fun, and not really have to confront what i can and cannot do. im tried of copying anything. or having someone elses ideas. this is something that i really want. to be alone for a while..

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